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GILAVAV

by mippopotamus

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1.
靴ひも 04:27
いつもどこかに帰る場所を求めて 大事なものだけ抱えて歩いた 荷物は重くなるばっかりで 寄る辺なさごとただ零れ落ちた 私には温かすぎた 時を封じ込めるように ひとりドアを閉じた いつも言葉は過去からやってくる たったひとつの真実を携えて 思い出せない忘れ物みたいに 本当はそこにずっとあったのに 夜にはどれもこれも輝いて 独りになるとくしゃくしゃに笑うの ふわりと浮かぶ雲から抜け出して 靴ひも結わいたらまたドアを開けよう
2.
I may cry alone because I'm able to. thinking about that dusty train seats. with the shadow dancing around. that's not meant for me at all. no need to worry I'm just talking to myself. I do this to solve my problems piled up high. or you can count and wait a bit longer. but I can't promise you to be back. why am I feeling lost sometimes? what is this tingling stomach means? should I carry this heaviness for a while? or throw it away, throw it all away. lately i feel like I'm the falling leaves. everyone kick and stomp then forget about it. because the seasons changes in a flash. then i would be sucked in a drain. why do I forget how to breathe? who can i call when i feel this way? i know there is something wrong in myself. it's easy to prove but much easier to lose.
3.
what if the veils of hope get thinner and seems like no one cares anymore? what if the times of your life tick quicker and seems like no one notices anymore? no I am not ready to step out of here. kind of scared, or kind of dared. anyone listening? what if the home of your soul get fading away and seems like even you don't care anymore? what if the voice of hearts get louder and seems like everyone denying once more? no I am not ready to start over again. kind of scared, or kind of dared. anyone see me through?
4.
i saw a fraction of your imaginary enemies. i thought i could fight them back. until then. your weapon started hurting yourself somehow. i lost my mind and ran ran ran away from all. away from all the damaged, the wounded. trapped in the fluids splattered everywhere. bodies bloated and floated. wake me up from this, hit me like a kiss. i can't bear with this anymore.
5.
i fell asleep while the movie kept running. boys were still singing for their God. maybe i would too when the killers do their jobs. im that kinda frivolous as you know. i let my world lost colors and leave it be. thought i can repaint it later on. it peeled off everywhere just like an egg shell. im that kinda hideous as you know. wasting some time and money for a knick and knacks. open my palms and there's nothing left. but only your smile remains and it bothers me. im digging this pile of mud for some water. to soak and wash and fill the void. it may look funny to you. im that much serious now you know.
6.
gilavav 05:20
別に今じゃなくてもいい 物思いにふけるのは 明日がくるようにと 跪いて祈るのは ただ そこに立ちはだかった 壁は何故だか温かくて すり抜けた 覚えていたい 胸に刻んだ はずの笑みも ただ一度の 大きな流動 確かな感情 解き放つ 別に誰かのせいじゃない 石が崩れたのは 足跡を辿るように 誰かを探すのかい また そこに立ち尽くした 照らす光に目が眩んで ふと過った 忘れていた 忘れたかった あの香りも たった一言が 鎖となって それでも  すり抜けた 覚えていたい 胸に刻んだ はずの笑みも ただ一度の 大きな流動 確かな感情 解き放つ      ふと過った 忘れたかった それでも 歌うよ
7.
8.
life light 06:15
明日命が尽きるとしても 大丈夫だよ あなたは わたしは 生まれたのだから それってとても残酷で あまりにもつらい でもやっぱり美しいんだ 影を睨んで 耳塞いで その場を離れた 独りじゃないなんて戯言のようで 信じられない時ほど 呼び戻す声がして  ほらやっぱり本当だ 道に迷って 座り込んで けど 光の方へ  明日にも旅を終えて 息をひとつ吐くとき わたしは あなたを 思い出すでしょう これで終わりかなんて あまりにも儚い でもやっぱり愛しいんだ 印を探して そこまで歩いた 次を見つけて また踏み出した 明日命が尽きるとしても 大丈夫だよ あなたは わたしは 生まれたのだから
9.
set the torn sail on this ship. kick the rock, embark. while the wind blow like a last gasp. there's a place I have to go. start a fire, clean up the mess. pick the dress, a nice one. invite some ghosts for the party. you should come, play hard. dancing with a hint of regret. suffocating scent of his sweat. it always happens at once as a rain. a joy a sorrow and a tiny bit of pain. now I can hold them all tight. with my arms wide and eyes bright. last night I dreamt I kill the clown. might be my past self. time has come, I'm on no rush. here is the place I have to leave. racing with a broken clock. puzzled by the intricate lock. the moon you pointed are always shines. it beams up my way and road signs. sometimes I couldn't find the right path. overly swayed by my wrath. begin again, with this ship. kick the rock, embark. while the wind blow like a first yawn. there's a place I have to go.
10.
precious 03:42
picture of me holding a flowerpot saucer full of dirt and azaleas, smiling so big in brother's hand-me-down overalls. the frisbee i threw got caught in a tree didn't come off after all, I was pissed off and lost my temper but they were laughing. grabbed our savings and went to the arcade with cousin and neighborhood friend, we were so into it then quickly ran out of coins every time. went home disappointed. couldn't turn properly in the swimming pool and hit my head so hard, causing my nose to bleed unstoppable and the coach shrugged silently. I hated to go to piano lessons. always pretended that i have something to do. mom said "when you have to lie, make it be truth later." i thought how clever she is, then i quitted going. someday i will forget these precious memories. someday i will. better make it last for long, girl.
11.
美しい帆 04:52
風が吹くたび思い出すのは 光る水面見て胸詰まらせてた私の 頬を先に撫でたあなたの手 いつも泣きそうになって うつむいて苦しくなって 涙は望むように出なくって それで合ってるって 間違ってないって 間違いじゃないよって 言って 温かいはずの胸に 冷たい川が流れて つま先から 指先から 世界を終える いつも泣きそうになって うつむいて苦しくなって 涙は望むように出なくって それで合ってるって 間違ってないって 間違いじゃないよって また泣きそうになって うつむいてこらえたって 涙は望むように止まなくて それで合ってるって 大丈夫だって 間違いじゃないよって 言って 言って 言ってあげる

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"GILAVAV" means "I read" and "I sing" in Romani language.


as always,
with love.

M

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released April 15, 2021

all works by mippopotamus.

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mippopotamus Japan

I sing.

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